I want to tell you a story
The thing is, I can’t put my finger on it.
The days are starting to run into each other just like my thoughts, and most times they don’t even make sense.
I change clothes.
Something loose because my turtle neck is too tight and it feels like I can’t breathe.
And my jeans make me feel restricted.
Trying to keep my friends on the phone until they’re too tired to talk to me.
Because I’m too scared to hang up
Asking for company, for when my mind wonders I need someone there to hold me.
5 in the morning is my new 10pm because my dreams wake me up in a panic.
Staying home used to be my normal, but now it feels like I’m trapped.
Tight chest. Sweaty palms. Heart beating fast.
Scared out of my mind because it feels like it’s the end.
But what’s worse is,
This will happen again tomorrow and
I don’t want this to have control over me.
I talk to God most times.
Our relationship isn’t perfect.
But if He can hear me, this is what I have to say:
I thank you for the rain because it’s soothing when I’m weary.
Tap my shoulder please so I can just feel that you’re near me
Send me laughs because when it’s quiet my thoughts seem to spill over.
I hope the next time we talk, you’ll tell me this whole thing will be over.
Slow down. Deep breaths. Your heart is still beating.
A reminder from Him that His love is never fleeting.
To anyone out there that’s struggling like me.
Close your eyes and breathe in slowly. The sun will rise again.
Declare that today we take the first steps towards serenity.
And may He fill our lives with peace and clarity.